Saying goodbye

It’s always difficult to say goodbye. Whether it’s to someone we love, a relative, or a close friend. Why is that? The obvious answer is our deep relationship to whom we’re saying goodbye. If we love someone and lose that person to a relationship breakup or death, the feeling of loss is the same. If it’s a close friend, the feeling of loss might be a little different, but saying goodbye remains difficult.

Aside from this obvious understanding of loss, what else could be inducing the feeling of loss? Often, people become dependent on another person. Losing the person we’re dependent on brings up fear, old losses from childhood, insecurities and other difficulties that prevent personal self-development. Another possibility is losing control over another person. This loss of dominance, usually accompanied by anger, also brings insecurities, childhood difficulties, or a lack of self-development.

These are some of the natural, healthy responses to loss as well as some neurotic reactions to loss. Regardless of our response to loss, usually there is an associated period of grief. With neurotic cases, most often the grief is short-lived, if it’s experienced at all. And again, it’s accompanied by anger. With the healthy responses, the grief is intense and genuine, and can last a very long time. Six months to a year is not unusual; in most cases, it never truly goes away. I’m not implying that if you don’t experience grief for that long, you are neurotic. Everyone is different, and therefore, everyone’s grief varies. These are average time periods.

This idea of goodbye and loss is particularly relevant to me, and you, since I am retiring this column. While writing the column during the last ten years, I felt nothing but satisfaction and connection to you, the reader, as I shared psychology perspectives with you. Attempting to introduce the importance of psychology and personal development in each column brought me enormous pleasure. From dreams, to shadow, to ego, and unconscious and conscious dynamics, we traveled a long distance together.

For all the readers who took the time to reflect on, and review, the content of the columns, and for remaining loyal readers, I am deeply grateful. I felt extremely moved to receive your comments and know that some of the perspectives were helpful to several of you.

So, as I write this goodbye, where do I find myself? I feel the loss rising from within me; I feel the grief surfacing. If you feel the loss too, perhaps we can share this final experience together.