Seeley Swan Pathfinder -

By Crystal Lopez
Seeley-Swan High School - 9th Grade 

It's going to work out

 

March 14, 2019

Photo provided

Crystal Lopez Seeley-Swan High School - 9th Grade

I think it's going to work out

I think in the end I'm going to be okay

I think this because I know I won't always be happy but I also know I won't always be sad

I'm okay with that, in fact I think it's grand

I want to reach the bottom, I want to drown in everything that I hate

I want my skin to boil and burn, I want my heart to break so hard I feel like glass shards are lodged in my lungs.

When I'm nervous and scared

I want my ribs to tangle with each other the way trees made best for climbing split the sky

I want my fingernails to have blood and dirt under them, I want my fingers to break

I want my toe to stub on the edge of the coffee table every time I walk by, trying to find my keys and instead finding my dog has eaten my fifteen page essay, the one I forgot to save a copy of.

I want this because I also want to fall so hard for a girl that I can't feel my hands or my feet.

I want her to love me as much as I'm going to love her.

I want to walk into class and hear my teacher tell me I aced the test I didn't study for

I want so badly for the Earth to crumble under my feet

So that when I fly, my feet won't miss the ground

I want her to never look in my direction and the wind to always blow on the wrong days

I want it to snow a billion hurricanes

So that when it's hot, when the sun has finally come out

It will feel like the very first time

I'm going to fall, I know that now.

Some days I'm going to walk and some days I'm going to need to be carried

I think it's going to be okay though

I think it's going to work out.

 

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